Book by van Itallie, based on Homer, music by Tony Scheitinger, lyrics by Scheitinger and van Itallie. Unpublished.

EUMAIOS (an older man in simple Greek clothing): Heeere piggy, piggy, piggy.

       (to the audience)

Eumaios, Keeper of Swine to King Odysseus (may the gods protect him). Heeere piggy, piggy, piggy.

       (He catches a pig.)

Gotchya.    King Odysseus (may the gods protect him) sailed off to stupid war twenty years ago.

Sorry... And King Odysseus (may the gods protect him) hasn't been heard of since.

       (He ties up the pig.)

Poooor piggy, piggy, piggy. So look at the stinking opportunists

filling his house, wanting his wife, the Lady Penelope (may the gods protect her), and eating his animals.

       (He slings the dead pig over his back.)

Poooor piggy, piggy, piggy.

(Eumaios enters the great hall and deposits the pig.... The young suitors drink and loudly play at dice.)

ANTINOOS (a suitor, singing Winning is What It's All About):

Despite the rules that hypocrite priests

Put in the mouths of gods.

EURYMAKHOS (another suitor, singing):

Despite the fasts and holy feasts

Of any poor creep who merely plods.

SUITOR THREE (singing):

Whatever sugar and stuff the good books preach

To give an excuse to the mild and the meek.

SUITOR FOUR (singing):

However loud the jealous may scream and screech.

SUITOR FIVE (singing):

Or pious words that prudes may speak.

ALL SUITORS (singing):

The open secret everyone knows is:

Winning is what it's all about.

Winning is what it's all about.

Of that basic fact we have no doubt.

No time for guilt or shame.

To win at life's big game

While young and healthy--

Seize the prize.

Oh, that's our aim,

For winning is what it's all about!

ANTINOOS (singing):

It's up to me to hustle.

SUITOR FOUR (singing):

For me to use my muscle.

SUITOR THREE (singing):

To use my looks.

EURYMAKHOS (singing):

To use my wit.

SUITOR FIVE (singing):

My might.

SUITOR SIX (singing):

To work.

SUITOR THREE (singing):

To screw.

SUITOR SEVEN (singing):

To fight.

ALL SUITORS (singing):

For winning is what it's all about....

And that's the rule.

When the king's away

The mice will play.

And when he's dead,

We'll eat his bread.

We'll take his house.

We'll grab his land.

And all his powers.

We'll take his wife.

And call her ours.

We'll take command.

And that's the way we play the game.

For winning is what it's all about.

performance inquiries: Gilbert Parker, William Morris Agency, New York, NY (212) 903-1328